Another Story:

"My husband was once employed in the printing division of a large manufacturing firm. One morning, word came from the top that some visiting VIPs would be touring the plant in just a few minutes. All production was immediately shut down as employees scrambled to quickly tidy up the work place. When the appointed lookout yelled, "Here they come!" fifty fingers that were poised over fifty machine start-up buttons pressed down in unison and blew every fuse in the building."

Haha those are funny, gtx.

I especially like this one:

Condom Size Tester

A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
"What size?" asks the clerk.

"Gee, I don't know."

"Go see Sophie in aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch, and yells, "Medium!" The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly.

Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large!" The guy struts over to the register, pays, and leaves.

A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.

"What size?" The kid embarassedly says "I've never done this before. I don't know what size." The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him and yells "Clean up in aisle 4!"

A man sat at a local bar and said, "This is a special day, I'm celebrating."

"What a coincidence," said the woman next to him. I'm celebrating, too" she replied, clinking glasses with him. "What are your celebrating?"

"I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."

"What a coincidence, the woman said. For my husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant! How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked.

"I switched cocks," he replied.

"What a coincidence," she said.

hehehe, that's very explicit... but funny

I didn't find it particularly funny. Am I missing something? I understand what's going on the jokes but it's not funny to me.

yea, I suppose it's not terribly funny, but it still made me smile...

Not the greatest... *just chuckles softly*

MAN AND WOMAN

A man is driving down a road. A woman is driving down the same road from
the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the
window and yells, "PIG!"

The man immediately leans out his window and yells, "STUPID!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next curve, he
crashes into a huge pig in the middle of the road and has a terrible car
wreck.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: If only men would listen!

A QUESTION ON CHASTITY

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an
examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It
only took the doctor about two seconds to say "Gimme a break lady! Your
daughter is pregnant."

The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her
daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by
having sex with a boy.

The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother
became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you
paying attention to me?"

"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time
this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was
hoping they would show up again and help me figure out who got your
daughter pregnant."

MALE AND FEMALE

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a
fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting Flies" he responded.

"Oh, killing any?" she asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

THE MILLIONAIRE

A blonde named Pam is appearing on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" with
Regis Philbin.

Regis: "Pam, you're up to $500,000 with one lifeline left: phone a friend.
If you get it right, the next question is worth one million dollars. If you
get it wrong, you drop back to $32,000. Are you ready?"

Pam: "Yes."

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it A)
robin, sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."

Pam: "I'd like to phone a friend. I'd like to call Carol."

Carol (also a blonde) answers the phone: "Hello?"

Regis: "Hello Carol, it's Regis Philbin from Who Wants to be a Millionaire.
I have your friend Pam here who needs your help to answer the one million
dollar question. The next voice you hear will be Pam's..."

Pam: "Carol, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is
it A) robin, sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."

Carol: "Oh geez, Pam. That's simple. It's a cuckoo."

Pam: "Are you sure?"

Carol: "I'm sure."

Regis: "Pam, you heard Carol. Do you keep the $500,000 or play for the
million?"

Pam: "I want to play; I'll go with C) cuckoo."

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Pam: "Yes."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Pam: "Yes; I think Carol's pretty smart."

Regis: "You said C) cuckoo, and you're right! Congratulations, you have
just won one million dollars!"

To celebrate, Pam flies Carol to New York. That night they go out on the
town. As they're sipping champagne, Pam looks at Carol and asks her, "Tell
me, how did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build its own
nest?"

"That's easy, everybody knows they live in clocks."

NAKED

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a
woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from
the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

***

FIRST DAY

On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from
his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents."

***

ZIP

A mother was showing her son how to zip up his coat. "The secret," she
said, "is to get the left part of the zipper to fit in the other side
before you try to zip it up."

The boy looked at her quizzically: "Why does it have to be a secret?!"

***

LITTLE BOY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies
grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement
and then asked, "What's the matter -- haven't you ever seen a little boy
before!"

***

THE EGG

One Easter Sunday morning as the minister was preaching the children's
sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. He pointed
at the egg and asked the children, "What's in here?"

"I know!" a little boy exclaimed. "Pantyhose!"

***

FAMILY

The prospective father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?"

The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just planning to
support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves!"

Heard this from a prest
A Prest, Pedafiler, and Rappest walk into a bar, and thats one guy.

A good joke my mom told me (Shes a blonde)

Big Red Truck
Blonde: (phone) Help me my house is on fire
Fireman: Calm down mam. How do we get to your house
Blonde: Duh, Big red truck.

Whats Green and smells like pork?



Kermits Finger

Hmm I understand the Kermit part but not the Finger...

If you fingered a pig it might just smell like pork... PIG = PORK

Oh is this assuming Kermit fingers the pig in the muppets?

thought the joke was self explanitory but i guess not :-(

No, I could just be exceptionally stupid. Someone else might understand it instantaneously.

kermit fingers... ha ha ha [/b]

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever."

A smart ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

A young technician and his general manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each other because they are giving each other "looks". Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.

The grandmother is thinking to herself: "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."

The General manager is setting there thinking: "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!"

The young woman was sitting and thinking: "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"

The young tech sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself: "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his general manager all at the same time!"

I stumbled to a really good Geek Humor site ... eccentrix.com

Hardware Problems?
From an ex-field sales/support survivor:

I used to work in a computer store and one day we had a gentleman call in with a smoking power supply. The service rep was having a bit of trouble convincing this guy that he had a hardware problem.
Service Rep: Sir, something has burned within your power supply.
Customer: I bet that there is some command that I can put into the AUTOEXEC.BAT that will take care of this.
Service Rep: There is nothing that software can do to help you with this problem.
Customer: I know that there is something that I can put in.. some command... maybe it should go into the CONFIG.SYS.
[After a few minutes of going round and round]
Service Rep: Okay, I am not supposed to tell anyone this but there is a hidden command in some versions of DOS that you can use. I want you to edit your AUTOEXEC.BAT and add the last line as C:\DOS\NOSMOKE and reboot your computer.
[Customer does this]
Customer: It is still smoking.
Service Rep: I guess you'll need to call Microsoft and ask them for a patch for the NOSMOKE.EXE.
[The customer then hung up. We thought that we had heard the last of this guy but NO... he calls back four hours later]
Service Rep: Hello Sir, how is your computer?
Customer: I called Microsoft and they said that my power supply is incompatible with their NOSMOKE.EXE and that I need to get a new one. I was wondering when I can have that done and how much it will cost.

Heh, can you believe that? Anyone who knows anything knows that NOSMOKE.EXE is only available on NT, I can't believe anyone would fall for that! 8^)
------------------------------------------------------------
# If Airplanes Were Like Computer Operating Systems Here's some descriptions of airplanes run by various operating systems:
# DOS: Everybody pushes it till it glides, then jumps on and lets it coast till it skids, then jumps off, pushes, jumps back on, etc.
# DOS with QEMM: Same as DOS, but with more leg room for pushing.
# Macintosh: All the flight attendants, captains and baggage handlers look the same, act the same and talk the same. Every time you ask a question, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know and everything will be done for you without your knowing, so just shut up.
# OS/2: To get on board, you have to have your ticket stamped 10 different times by standing in 10 different lines. Then you fill out a form asking how you want your seating arranged--with the look and feel of an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you get on board and off the ground, you will have a wonderful trip, except when the rudder and flaps freeze, in which case you have time to say your prayers before you crash.
# Windows: Colorful airport terminal, friendly flight attendants, easy access to a plane, uneventful takeoff. Then: BOOM! You blow up without any warning whatsoever.
# NT: The terminal and flight attendants all look like those the Windows plane uses, but the process of checking in and going through security is a nightmare. Once aboard, those passengers with first class tickets can go anywhere they want and arrive in half the time, while the vast majority of passengers with coach tickets can't even get aboard.
# Unix: Everyone brings one piece of the plane. Then they go on the runway and piece it together, all the while arguing about what kind of plane they're building.
# CAIRO: The airplane is distributed among 47 different hangars in 13 airports scattered over 8 states, 4 Canadian provinces, and a remote mountain hideaway in Nicaragua. But you don't need to know where the airplane is or who it belongs to in order to fly it. Actually, you don't fly the airplane itself; you fly a simulation that behaves just like the real thing except that you don't go anywhere. But that's okay, because when the world is at your fingertips you never need to leave home.
------------------------------------------------------------
# The Redneck's Guide to Computer Lingo Log on: Making the woodstove hotter.
# Log off: Don't add no more wood.
# Monitor: Keepin' an eye on that woodstove.
# Download: Gettin' the farwood off the truk.
# Mega Hertz: When yer not keerful gettin' that farwood downloaded.
# Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from tryin' to carry too much farwood.
# RAM: That thar thang whut splits the farwood.
# Hard Drive: Gettin' home in the winter tahm.
# Prompt: Whut the mail ain't in the winter tahm.
# Windows: Whut to shut when its cold outside.
# Screen: Whut to shut when its black fly season.
# Byte: Whut them dang flys do.
# Chip: Munchies for the TV
# Micro Chip: Whuts left in the munchies bag
# Infrared: Whur the left over munchies go...Fred eats 'em.
# Modem: Whatcha do to dem hay fields.
# Dot Matrix: Ol' Dan Matrix's wife
# Lap Top: Whur the kitty sleeps.
# Keyboard: Whur ya hang the dang keys.
# Software: Them dang plastic forks and knives.
# Mouse: That's whut eats the grain in the barn.
# Main Frame: That whut holds up the barn ruf.
# Port: Fancy flatlander wine.
# Enter: Yankee fer c'mon in y'all.
# Random Access Memory: When ya caint remember whut ya paid for yer new rifle when yore wife asks.
------------------------------------------------------------
Ten Ways To Tell If A Redneck Has Been Working On A Computer
10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have Ford truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Bubba."
4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
2. The keyboard is painted in camouflage.

AND the number 1 way to tell if a Redneck has been working on a computer is...

1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter."
------------------------------------------------------------
Ways You Know You Are Addicted to the Internet

* You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
* You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.
* You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
* Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
* Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
* You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
* You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
* All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
* And even your night dreams are in HTML.
* You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
* You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
* Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
* You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
* You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
* Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
* All of your friends have an @ in their names.
* When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
* Your dog has its own home page.
* You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Lycos.
* You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
* You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.
* You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
* You refer to your age as 3.x.
* You have commandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.
* Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
* You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
* You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
* You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
* Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
* You start looking for hot http addresses in public toilets.
* You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
* You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
* You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html
* You actually try that 123.elm.street address.
* You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
* You buy a Star Trek Captain's chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
* Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
* You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.
* You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 1.1 or higher."
* You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...because you never log off.
* You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
* You forget what year it is.
* You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
* You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
* You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect soundtrack for "surfing the net".
* You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."
* You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
* Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
* As your car crashes through the guard rail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
------------------------------------------------------------
better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus town

cat /etc/passwd >list
ncheck list
ncheck list
cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist
cat list | grep nice >giftlist
santa claus town

who | grep sleeping
who | grep awake
who | egrep 'bad|good'
for (goodness sake) {
be good
}


I'll never read all of the jokes but these are some of the ones I've read that I find most humorous.

key 2 heven
It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath, the older nun which normally assisted in this task was a little under the weathers so she instructed Sister Magdalene, a young nun on how to prepare the bath water and towels. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever she's told to do, and pray.

The next morning the old nun asks the sister how the bath had gone. "Oh sister," said the young nun dreamily, "I've been saved!"

"Saved? How did that come about?" asked the old nun.

"Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him. And while I was washing him, he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the lord keeps the key to heaven."

"Did he now--" the old nun said.

Sister Magdalene continued, "And, Father John said that if the key to heaven fit my lock, the portals of heaven would open to me, and I would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his key to heaven into my lock."

"Is that a fact?" said the old nun.

"At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said that the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved."

"That wicked old devil!" said the old nun, "He told me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it these past forty years!"

Horny Hag And Her Corn


Three guys are stranded in a desert. Off in the horizon they see a house and crawl to it.

The first guy knocks on the door and asks for water.

A wart-covered, toothless old woman answers: "I will...if you have sex with me." The guy pukes and runs back to his friends to tell them what happened.

The second guy, thinking the first guy was a wuss, takes his turn.

Same thing happens-he sees the woman and hurls.

The third guy, knowing they'll all die if he doesn't do something, follows the lady to her kitchen.

"Do me here," she tells him. He sees three ears of corn on the counter and gets an idea. "Lay back and keep your eyes closed!" he says. The witch obliges.

The guy picks up an ear of corn and screws her with it. As soon as she's done, he throws the corn out the window. "That was the best orgasm of my life! Do that again and I'll give you a million bucks."

"Then lay back and close your eyes again." He does her with the second ear of corn, then throws it out again.

"If you do that again, I'll give you a Jeep so you can get out of the desert."

He does her with the last piece of corn. "Ohhhhhh... The water, money, and Jeep are outside," she says as she squirms in ecstasy.

So he runs outside, grabs the water and money and jumps onto the Jeep. He drives around and finds his friends by the window.

One of the guys says to him: "Hey, I hope you had fun. We just ate the three tastiest pieces of buttered corn you could have imagined!"

eeeew. sick

haha

LOL!

*Calls Earl on the big, white telephone*

Earl? I don get it

You've never heard this expression before? When you throw up it kind of sounds like Earl and the big, white telephone is the toilet.

I think this is pretty funny

Haha yeah that is funny. I usually don't know what month it is unless I think about it for awhile, especially during the summer. The number of days in each month I never concern myself over.

yaaahhh!!!!!! nice!!!!!!
just new here!!!!
but the joke is great
nice!!! EEEvIIILLLL!!! :

all of them but 1 were new to me and 3 of them were funny

Why wouldn't the clam give up his perl... he was shellfish! ha ha ha... oh thats a killer

Ok so i call up Autodesk for some licensing support earlier today...lady on the phone says "I'm sorry sir, but our systems just went down about 10 minutes ago, you'll have to call back in an hour", to which i reply "Oh, so you guys are using 3ds MAX as an operating system now."

Here's a picture of a public toilet in Switzerland that's made entirely out of one-way glass. No one can see you in there, but when you are inside it looks like you're sitting in a clear glass box. Would you use it?

I bet alot of men would use it...... heheheheh

M$ Agent #2:
Are you saying that alot of men would like to use a restroom in a clear glass box, where everyone could see them?

Personally, if no one could really see in, I would try it!!!

Yeah i would too, just for kicks. But ill make damn sure that no one can see in!!

I'd wait until someone went in, then I would walk up to it from the outside and peer in, and look, slowly, up and down, just to freak people out, even though I can't see in

And I probably wouldn't use it just in case there are more people like me wandering around that area

Rules of Flying:

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you
pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep
pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there
than up there wishing you were down here.

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to
keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the
pilot start sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever
collided with the sky.

8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough
to make all of them yourself.

10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full
power to taxi to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the
angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of
survival and vice versa.

12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't
get to five minutes earlier.

13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking
about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction.
Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to
hide out in clouds.

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to
the number of take offs you've made.

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing.
Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of
experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you
empty the bag of luck.

17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels
them.

18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going
round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the
experience usually comes from bad judgment.

21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward
as much as possible.

22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And
it's not subject to appeal.

24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude
above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.

Some Airline Images:

http://www.airlinepics.com/jokes/funny_ima...2_2uhhfolks.jpg (800x466, 86KB)

lol some of those are perty good...

Not bad...
Anything that George Bush says is better though, lol. Have you ever watched a presidential debate? I want them all on video, it's better than standup.

lol that was a good one. *creates text file and notes them down*

If you want some political quotes, or bush quotes, just PM me. I have them all in text files.

heh! here's a good one i got from the megagames forum!

Bill Gates in Heaven and Hell:

Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by God....
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell.
After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America,
yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before
in your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."

Bill replied, "well, what's the difference between the two?"
God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."
"Fine, but where should I go first?"
"I'll leave that up to you."
"Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."

So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of
Beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about.
The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.
"This is great!" he told God. "If this is hell, I REALLY want to see heaven!"
"Fine," said God, and off they went.

Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing.
It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision. "Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told God.
"Fine," retorted God, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell.
When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves,
being burned and tortured by demons.
"How's everything going?" he asked Bill.
Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "this is awful!
This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening!
What happened to that other place, with the beaches, the beautiful women playing in the water?!???

"That was a demo," replied God."